(Day 25) 24th April - Is Your EQ Authentic or Self-Serving? By Ron Carucci

Ron Carucci, a expert in leadership, wrote this article for the HBR. This article was extremely eye opening for me, showcasing that EQ needs to remain authentic. Whilst EQ has been used in a manipulative way, "the more common misuses of emotional intelligence are subconscious". Carucci breaks down 3 common counterfeits of leaders using EQ:

* A need to be the hero disguised as empathy

* A need too be right masquerading as active listening

* A need for approval dressed up as self-awareness

Carucci highlights whilst why these factors mean well, they are subconsciously acting for themselves. Upon reflection, the first counterfeit resonates with me. Carucci writes "Keenly self-aware leaders detect how others experience them, actively solicit critical feedback from others, and accurately acknowledge their strength and shortfalls. But when fuelled by an unquenched desire for approval, self-awareness can warp into self-involvement". 

The author finishes on "Genuinely self-aware leaders face that security head on, and don't put the burden of soothing it on others".

I know I am self-aware and have been told this before, however I also rely on reassurance and approval. Now, this approval may not be needed from my team or work colleagues but more the higher position. This could be my tutor, manager and I know when to talk to them when I need feedback. This interesting insight and perspective, correlates how whilst if my needs aren't met, I may become self-involved. A consideration to reflect on whilst in practice. 

Develing deeper, Carucci writes "Our ability to express emotional intelligence is sometimes impaired by unacknowledged, unhealthy, emotional needs". To further EQ skills, "pay attention to the unaddressed scars and voids lurking beneath the surface of your inner emotional landscape. Tend to those honestly and carefully, and you'll better be able to maintain credibility and strong relationships with others". 

Now, reading the final paragraph, did scare me a bit lol. Before this turns into a full on diary, let me explain why this scared me. I had an extremely turbulent childhood, growing up with a Mom with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The diagnosis alone took years to get right. So, many emotional scars or needs stem from my experiences and shaped who I am. Whilst some remain unaddressed, as I grow older, I am started to recognise how I have grown from these experiences. My Dad and I do believe everyone should go to therapy, which is way more common in USA. He has alright highlight theory on childhood experiences shaping team member roles, but how much influence has my childhood had on my EQ? However, I am unsure if I am or will be ready to go beneath the surface yet. All I can do at this time, is recognise and learn. 


References

Carucci, R (2018)  Is Your EQ Authentic or Self-Serving? Available at: https://hbr.org/2018/05/is-your-emotional-intelligence-authentic-or-self-serving?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=linkedin&tpcc=orgsocial_edit

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