(Day 17) 7th April - Remaining Patient in a Team // 5 Chairs, 5 Choices

 Working with two international students is a great opportunity to work on my patience, which has been tested a few times. Last week, there was work missed, which resulted into Hannah and I picking up the remaining topics and finalising this. This is no issue, as mentioned before I lack trust but I trust Hannah. As we wanted to move on, we both divided up the missed work and progressed forwarded. Although I am not afraid to say no or speak my feelings, I do avoid what I THINK is unnecessary conversations about work. 

My Dad is a very curious person and interesting in humans, feelings, mind and body. He is currently studying a course in Humanistic Counselling Skills. He is the hoping to process into psychotherapy. He is also a qualified yoga instructor and has experience working witihn mindfulness. Having a catch up, I told him about the module and self-reflective log. We were also talking about Transactional Analysis (the ego states) and how childhood experiences can shape who you are as a team member. I found this extremely interesting, I asked him to guess my general role/s within a team and he described me extremely well. Alongside, saying he thinks I would delegate and 'look after', he said he thinks I would be impatient. His theory behind this is that as a child I was extremely needy (still am). Therefore, when needs aren't met I become impatient and emotional, like my child behaviour. Whilst this made perfect sense to me, it led me to think well how can I work on something that is embedded so deep within? However, as it impacts my emotional state and quickly, patience, as they say, is a virtue. 

Although I enjoy reading, I love podcasts and TED talks, as you can walk along and listen. I came across Louise Evans - Own Your Behaviours, Master Your Communication, Determine Your Success. The behavioural expert references 5 chairs for 5 choices in how we react daily. 

The Red Chair - The Jackal: Attack, Misbehave, Blame, Judge.

The Yellow Chair - The Hedgehog: Self-Doubt, Fear, Vulnerable.

The Green Chair - The Meerkat: Wait, Patience, Mindful, Pause, Observe.

The Blue Chair - The Dolphin: Detect, Self-Awarness, Powerful but Set Boundaries to Ourselves, Growth, Assertive but not Agressive.

The Purple Chair - The Giraffe: Connect, Vision, Empathy, Tolerant, Understanding, Listen to People.

When I am being impatient, I only bounce between the red and yellow chair, mainly red. Easier said than done, in the heat of the moment, I need to start consider green, blue and purple. In the next situation I feel impatient or reactive, what is triggering me? How can this be avoided? How can I move from red to green, blue and purple? I think for me, I need to move into the green chair to allow myself to take a moment. As I can become passionate and reactive, I can speak and do in the moment. By taking time to reflect, observe and consider I can progress into the other chairs.

A quote said with the purple chair is "I don't like that man, I must get to know him better" - Lincoln. It's known that you are not going to like everyone but the focus is to place yourself in the purple chair which will also have elements of the green and blue chair. When working with someone I may not get along with or like, it is important to understand them and get to know them better.