(Day 18) 9th April - Difficult Discussions // Communicating Whilst Emotional

 Today was an interesting, difficult conversation within the group. Now, I cannot share the whole conversation due to privacy and the length! However, it began with a team member writing:

"Guys I need to ask you something? Is there any issue that u have with me? Like am I doing something wrong or not doing something that i am expected of? If any of u have anything to share about me in that regard, please do let me know. We are all here to learn. I too want to know and change things abt me that are not right. 

Currently i am feeling a certain tension in our group. I dont know if its just me or not? If anyone else is feeling the same I believe we must discuss and clear the fog. 


This tension is honeslty very demotivating. I am feeling like i am unable to contribute much as I am maybe unable to think on the same page as the rest. No matter how much I try, my ideas seems to be irrelevant. 


Even I am trying to rationalize your way of thinking and understand your perspectives. My way of going with a project is little different. So maybe thats why my perspective is not feeling relevant. That again is making me feel i am contributing less and i am not needed for the team. 


These are the things i am feeling. I would like to verify my instincts. Do any of u feel it?

I love working with all of u. In this holiday when i was really sick i didnt like it and i waited to get cured soon. Things were difficult as i do not have my nhs number yet. Its been just 2 days I really feel good and no pain at all. 


I would like all of us to feel comfortable in sharing our thoughts and work together like a team. So please let me know. Sorry for the long msg."


However, at the time I was at work therefore was delayed in response and just skimmed the long, exchanging messages. However, reflecting on this right now, I should of read all and every message. As I instantly placed myself in the red chair, I became defensive, slightly judgemental and I guess elements of blame. Throughout the exchange I felt it was unfair to say some members of the group were moving ahead, when I felt Hannah more than I, had been thorough with communication and where we were with groups. I had also took extra time to catch up on any missed meetings and was aware where we were at all times. 


Now looking back at what I just wrote, I was to delete that cause, is this relevant? Am I blaming and being defensive again? The aim here to to reflect on myself, how I handled it and how to learn from the experience? 


After reacting (without thinking) I was in the red street. I could have been more productive - problems haver arose, okay so how can we progress as a group? This is where I felt Hannah showed great leadership. She said how she felt, understood where all team members came from and said 'Okay, so what else can we do to ensure we're all one the correct page?'. I also felt like it was harder over message as I know messages can look/sound harder than meant to be. After, I messaged Hannah and said, see I need to not react in emotion and she recommended 'How to Manage' by Jo Owen which I ordered straight away. She used terminology from this book as well as methods to use in moments. The chapters in the book feel well suited to me and this self-reflection:

1. Introduction and summary: real managers for the real world

2. Rational management skills: dealing with problems task and money

3. Emotional management skills: dealing with people

4. Political management skills: acquiring power to make things happen

5. Management quotient skills: managing your journey


I plan to use this book as a guide throughout the remainder of the self-reflection, reading a bit each day and learning more about effective management. I am particularly interested in emotional management, as one that self reflective theme is emotional intelligence. As noted in this log I reacted in a motion, without taking time to observe and pause. With effective emotional management and rational management skills, I can progress from the red chair into more productive coloured chairs (green, blue and purple). 

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